Cosmic Love
by Writer0014
Summary: Can we ever really move on from our first loves?
1. Chapter 1

**Quote of the Day…."Hey… Do not knock the Sound of Music… it's got nuns and Nazi's… Julie Andrews was hot!" **

**Hey everyone so I just had this huge Gossip Girl marathon and I am seriously pumped that this great Nate and Blair story popped into my head. Yes you have heard me, Nate and Blair, I know seriously this couple got so pushed down the drain because of Chuck and Blair (whom I do love to pieces) but I also love Nate and Blair, like really love them. Make fun of me all you want but they will always be my favorite couple. Enjoy… hope you all like it!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL! But I will fight the writers for Nate, Chuck, or Dan, heck all the Gossip Girl guys. Curse you Blair why do you or did you have to get all of them.**

Something was seriously wrong with Blair Waldorf , something _she_ couldn't even put a finger on.

No clues, I mean yes the whole thing about Chuck loving Reina and not her had taken Blair's self-esteem down a notch but that incident couldn't have made her feel the way she feels right now: miserable, no depressed.

Blair feels absolutely alone, not in the sense that no one cares about her but in the sense that everyone has moved on in her life.

Serena finally stopped using Humphrey and broke up with Ben, now they're the happiest couple on earth, Chuck and Reina, who finally understands the Dark Prince like no one else, not even Blair, are just perfect, and Nate… her stomach tightened.

Nate is with Epperly. No, Blair thought. She should be happy with this; it has given her loads more appreciation from Epperly, and Nate. Nate is happy.

But Blair was not, knowing how selfish that thought was Blair sighed and crawled out of bed; she felt worse standing up.

Suddenly her phone rang and that incessant Glee ringtone Eric had programmed in as a joke began to fill her room.

She picked it up on the second dial not wanting to hear "Don't Stop Believing" ever again. "Blair Waldorf speaking," She answered all business even if it wasn't from work.

"Blair hi…" An out of breath but warm and welcoming voice said through the phone.

Suddenly Blair's mood and manner oddly changed she felt light and airy, almost happy. "Nate Archibald, now what can I presumably do for you?"

"I was… wondering if you wanted… to go out to lunch… we need to talk."

"Why, it is nice to hear from you as well, are you running Archibald?"

"Yes… Blair."

"Very well, I will only go out to eat with you if you take a shower. I can smell your sweat through the phone."

He laughed, "Blair… it's good to hear from you."

"Goodbye Nate…" Blair clicked the phone off and held it to her chest.

She smiled to herself; Nate had always been able to cheer her up and I guess today it worked…

Maybe she just needed to get out…

Or maybe she just needed to see Nate…


	2. Chapter 2

**Alright here's the second chapter where Nate tells Blair some shocking news and Blair realizes why she has been down in the gutter… Hope you like it. **

**Disclaimer: I OWN ALL OF GOSSIP GIRL ****(Just Kidding ) **

Blair walked into the restaurant she forgot the name of and immediately locked eyes with Nate Archibald. She had forgotten… how handsome he was. It had been almost five months since she had last seen him, since he had gotten together with Epperly, since… Blair shook her head; do not go there she thought.

And so she just focused on Nate, nothing else, and so she couldn't help but simply smile at him, genuinely.

He smiled back, something about his eyes looked lost, and those big trusting eyes were definitely in deep thought.

She walked up to him and shrugged her coat off holding it in her arms.

He still looked lost, seeming to have completely forgotten she was standing in front of him.

Blair set down with a sigh. Only then did he look up and excuse himself for his rudeness.

"Oh never mind that, so I'm not one to admit it but I'm dying for some news or anything, please tell me what you were going to."

Nate's eyes twinkled, "I'll show you."

Blair studied him as she saw he was reaching for something in his bag.

He was still Nate, never changing, the rock who kept everyone balanced and safe. Blair ever so wanted to thank him for always being her constant, for always being there, even if she did break his heart and then broke it again.

She was about to reach her hand out to him but stopped suddenly as she saw a small box in his hands, a small black box to be precise.

"Nate…" She said stunned.

"I just wanted to check with you before I actually propose, do you think Epperly will like it."

"Epperly," Blair repeated still shocked and then grew more so as he opened the box; it was her ring or at least the ring she had always dreamed of. The one that lay all wrapped up in Nate's little black box for another woman. 

Blair cleared her throat, "I think Nate that you have to think about this, you have only been together for five months."

Nate rolled his eyes, "Blair I knew you were going to say that but I have thought about this, a lot really, and I never want to be with anyone else but Epperly."

Blair was stunned and all she could say was, "Why did you tell me first?"

Nate's eyes furrowed, "Why wouldn't I have and anyways I wanted to ask you something, will you be my best man?"

BEST MAN! What on earth?

Blair swallowed trying to calm her shock and rising despair all at the same time, "Nate what about Chuck and anyways Epperly hasn't said yes yet." Blair said logically trying to sort through her confused thoughts.

"I know but I want to be prepared and Chuck can't he's going to be with Reina, or as he likes to call it being with Reina and travelling the world, remember?"

Blair almost slapped herself for forgetting and also to compensate her urge to hit Chuck right now for not being able to the best man, IF Epperly said yes.

"Nate, can I… um think about this, because I want to be sure if she says yes… um… okay?" Blair said absolutely dazed and incoherent.

She had to go; she just had to, something weird was happening. She felt worse than before.

"Blair are you alright?" Nate was about to reach over and touch Blair's hand.

But Blair got up too quickly before he could, saying, "Yeah I'm fine, I just remembered I have to be with Serena and… I have to go, "She swallowed finding it hard to say a particular word, "Congratulations Nate, I'm sure you will make… Epperly happy," She finally managed to say.

Then Blair fled from the restaurant and out into the busy streets.

No! No! No! This could not be happening.

Blair Waldorf could not be in love with Nate Archibald, again.


	3. Chapter 3

**So this chapter is basically Blair dealing with her new realization about her love for Nate and also the proposal scene in Nate's point of view. Wow, I'm on a roll already having gotten two chapters in one sitting. Wow, special thanks to QueenBee10, my first reviewer, really appreciate it. Hope you enjoy…**

**Disclaimer: I do not… oh come on you guys all know what it is…**

No, this could not be happening. Blair slunk down into the first chair she found at her apartment and put her head in her hands.

She could not be in love; it is just too complicated to be in love and let alone be in love with Nate, soon to be engaged Nate, she had already loved him and that had not worked; they had both gotten their hearts broken.

Then again she had loved Chuck and that hadn't worked out either; she had gotten her heart broken.

Oh great let's face it She's defective. Anyone she's loved or tried loving has basically ended with heartbreak.

But had she ever really stopped loving either. No, she would never stop loving the Dark Prince, but she had realized that they both had moved on with their lives.

But the White Prince, she thought she had gotten over him, she thought she could be fine without him. But as proven in the diner, she could not. She would always love the Nate.

But he was getting engaged, and he wanted HER to be his best man.

Great Blair was now turning into the female version of Patrick Dempsey in the film Maid of Honor, so that makes Nate the bride.

Blair sighed for the umpteenth time.

Blair could not go to work tomorrow; she could not face Epperly and pretend like she wasn't in love with her boyfriend, or that she wanted him as much as winter wants the summer.

And so she decided tonight she would read Persuasion by Jane Austen; the book was her favorite for nights like these, and then call in sick tomorrow. She would spend the rest of tomorrow preparing herself for the news and then practicing rejecting Nate's best man offer.

Yes, everything would be fine.

Blair reached up to brush a hair out of her face but instead found tears on her cheeks.

Nothing would be fine, not now… not ever.

Nate's Point of View…

It was weird how Nate Archibald had pictured the exact way he was going to propose to Epperly, the way he had wanted to propose to Blair Waldorf, in the exact form, the exact manner.

He even pictured the same ring on their fingers.

Blair…

She was the one or he had always thought she was the one.

For a long time he had only wanted her, for a long time he had needed only her to breathe but now things were different. Blair was just his friend and Epperly was his girlfriend.

Epperly was the one he was going to marry, Epperly was the one he wanted not Blair.

_Then why are you thinking about me the night you are going to propose to Epperly, _Blair's voice resonated through his thoughts as the one constant thing and now she was taunting him.

He shook himself and waited up on his balcony for Epperly to come.

The night was cold and in his hands he kept turning over and over the little black box?

_Why did you tell me first? _

He didn't know why he told Blair first, he didn't know at all. All he knew was that when he came to the decision to marry Epperly he wanted to tell Blair and only Blair.

He couldn't get Blair's face out of his mind when he asked her to be his best man; it was a look of pure shock, then a hint of something else, something deep.

He shook his head; he also didn't know why he had asked her to be his best man. It seemed so natural to have her by his side, to have her with him, to have…

"Nate?" A strong voice interrupted his thoughts.

He turned to see Epperly wearing a beautiful black dress and all thoughts about Blair cleared his mind.

He was in the moment there and then, he could only think and see the woman standing before him.

"Epperly," He whispered.

She smiled, "Nate... it's beautiful up here."

Nate walked toward as she continued to talk about the view of the city and what not, she didn't seem to notice the black box in his hands but as Nate knelt down he saw the shock and then realization in her eyes.

"Epperly I know this may sound crazy and I know that we've only been together for almost half a year but… I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, will you please do me the honor of marrying me?"

He opened the box and Epperly looked even more shocked but suddenly a smile came to her face, "Did you practice that speech?"

Nate shook his head waiting for her answer, "Why? Was it awful?"

Epperly shook her head, "No, it was perfect, just perfect."

Nate raised an eyebrow, "Was that a yes or no?"

Epperly flung her arms around him, "Yes an absolute yes."

His lips met hers and the night was there's.

Blair woke up to Don't Stop Believing, again.

She groggily picked it up and sighed, "Blair Waldorf."

"Blair, she said yes!"

Blair literally dropped the phone; there had been at least some hope that she would have said no, at least some hope.

But now…

"Blair? Blair? Hello?" Nate called through the phone.

Blair picked it up quickly saying, "Sorry, sorry but Nate… wow, congratulations, really that's great."

She was trying to hide the tears and despair from her voice.

"Blair, are you alright?"

Blair shook her head; why did he have to know her so well?

"Yeah I'm fine… Nate… I need to talk to you about being… about being the Maid of Honor, "Blair managed to choke out, the tears spilling over.

"Blair, I know that I sprung it on you but I'm just so happy and I would really like you to be there, I would love for you to be there."

"Love…" Blair whispered.

She didn't want to turn him down, not when he was so happy and not when she needed him. And this would be an excuse to see him… before he gets married.

"Okay, I'll be your best man," She said, wiping away her tears.

"Thank you, thank you... what would I do without you?" Blair could literally see him smiling through the phone, making a similar grin appear on her face despite herself.

"That, Nate Archibald is exactly what everyone says," Blair said almost lightly, almost.

Blair clicked the phone off and sat down to find all lightness that could have been there, gone.

_You are Blair Waldorf; get yourself together…Blair SNAP OUT OF IT! _

Blair looked up and realized whose voice it was that was talking to her. It was always Nate's voice, always his voice that pulled her back to shore from the treacherous waters in the ocean of despair.

Blair saw herself across the room in a mirror.

She looked haggard and disheveled, like a walking breathing zombie.

Blair wiped the rest of her tears away; if she couldn't be happy inside she could at least fake it on the outside…

**A/N: So how'd you like it? I kind of thought that Blair needed to be Blair again. I mean she usually conceals all those feelings she has to herself and pretends to be strong on the outside. Next to come is some more Blair and Nate action, you know wedding planning and everything and also a look, from Nate's perspective, into their friendship and love… Thanks for all the reviews… Ellie **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone alright here's the fourth chapter I hope you all like it…**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, yeah I forgot this in my last chapter so here it goes… I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING**

Blair decided to go to work the next day instead of being stuck at home, pretending to be sick.

As she entered W the first person, like always, to come up to her was Epperly, except this time she had a smile on her face.

"Good Morning Blair," She said airily.

Blair wanted to punch that happiness off her face but she simply plastered a smile on her lips and continued walking with her boss.

The same boss who is marrying the man she loves… GET IT TOGETHER BLAIR!

"Epperly, what can I do for you today."

"Actually Blair I think you can take the day off, spend some time with… whoever your friends are."

Blair looked down and saw the ring she had dreamt of on the other woman's long fingers; she needed work to distract her but with Epperly as her boss it just wouldn't do.

"Very well I'll leave you to whatever business you have to attend to," Blair dismissed her as though she was of no importance, even if her boss, and walked out through the doors of W.

As she did, she wondered why Epperly hadn't discussed her engagement, but then again Epperly was not the flamboyant type.

Nate's Point of View:

What was wrong with her?

Over the last two phone conversations, not to mention the diner experience, Nate had noticed some sort of sadness oozing out of the once together Blair Waldorf.

She seemed detached.

He should call her; make sure she's okay…

Blair picked up on the second ring, like always, "Blair Waldorf."

Nate smiled, "By not I would have thought you had memorized my number."

"Nate… Hi."

There it was again that slight hesitation or that sadness from her voice that she was trying to conceal, all of these stirred feelings for her.

"Blair, are you alright? I mean do you want to talk?" Nate said trying to get her to tell him anything.

"Yes, I'm fine, why? Nate you really are something, here you are asking if I'm fine, while the truth is you have got your pronouns mixed up. Come on today we are going wedding hunting, and no before you say anything, you are not going to be the groom who does nothing the whole entire duration of wedding planning. Archibald it's spring let's get outside and wedding plan!" Blair said in a rush yet her voice calm.

It was like some switch went off inside Blair's brain that told her to hide her feelings and remain fine on the outside. Or at least that is what Nate thought after her complete change in tone of voice.

"Alright we're do we meet?"

"We do not meet anywhere I'm right outside your door and I'm walking in," She said lightly.

"What you're already…" But she had cut him off, hanging up the phone.

She walked into his apartment looking exactly like the old Blair, had he been dreaming about her not looking alright.

He always was shocked by how she seemed to be more put together, more absolutely amazing, each time he saw her.

Like she could take on the world all at once, but he knew that behind that she was fragile, ever so fragile and that was why he had fell in love with her in the first place.

He hadn't loved her just for her confidence; he loved her for that delicate and deep character inside.

"Nate what on earth are you gawking at?" Blair said waving a hand in front of his face.

Nate looked down, "Sorry just thinking."

Blair smiled, "Nate, you're too hard to read, I can never guess what you're thinking about."

Nate smiled, "I could say the same thing for you."

Blair furrowed her eyebrows (he loved it when she did that), "That is not true you always know what I'm feeling."

Nate moved closer putting a hand on hers, "I wish I knew now, are you sure you're alright?"

Blair moved her hand away from his and it felt like someone had hit him in the gut, "Yeah, Nate I'm fine."

Nate shook his head, "Then I'll drop it, sorry."

Blair then, almost like it was despite what she was feeling, took his face in her hands, "No don't be sorry it's nice that you are worried about me, it's nice that you care."

Nate took her hands and held them, "I'll always care."

Blair then took a step back, moving her hands out of his for the second time and for the second time Nate felt a fist in his gut.

"Alright, enough of me, you are getting married so although Epperly will be planning the decorum and her dress and well almost everything. You will be there to support her, and get a really nice tuxedo."

Nate looked down again at his countertop; why did Blair pull away from him, twice?

"Nate, hello, alright follow me," She said walking toward his bedroom.

Nate followed curiosity getting the best of him.

"Blair, do you have some great interest in my bedroom?"

Blair clapped her hands together, "Okay role play, I'm Epperly and you're well you're still Nate."

Nate smirked, "Alright, but what are we doing?"

"I'm teaching you support, now cue Epperly." Blair did a weird acting hand sign and then stood on her tiptoes, as Epperly was much taller.

Nate closed his eyes envisioning Epperly and then opened them again realizing that he would only see Blair, his Blair. He would play along though, wondering what she was going to do.

Blair straightened up and put a hand to her neck saying in a lower voice, "Hi sweetie, how was your day?"

Nate laughed out loud, "Seriously Blair?"

Blair gave him a look, "Not Blair, Epperly, your fiancée. Now act as you would with her."

Nate hid a grin, "Oh fine, just a lot of business, nothing much. How are you?"

Blair, still on tiptoes, walked over to him and sat on top of him, still in character, "Oh lord, the wedding it's all so hard. I had to literally fight a girl for a dress."

Nate rubbed her shoulder up and down; he would do that with Blair, not with Epperly.

"I'm sorry, did you get the dress?"

Blair hit him, "Wrong, do not bring up the dress as if it is more important that your soon to be wife's feelings, just soothe her and hold her, compliment her. Support, get it?"

"Yes, master, I understand," He joked.

"Epperly, honey, I'm so sorry. Do not worry, everything will be fine." He said bringing BLAIR closer; he wasn't even trying to imagine Epperly.

"But Nate, I just am so tired" Blair said snuggling into his shoulder; he liked her this close to him.

"I know and you have been working so hard at W and for the wedding, is there anything I can do?" He whispered into her ear, his lips brushing her collar bone.

"Just be there, please." It was Blair again; something told Nate that Blair was saying this.

So he moved her even closer if possible and they stayed like that, holding each other for a while until Blair stirred.

She moved quickly away from his arms as if shocked, "And that is exactly how you will support Epperly, A for effort Nate." Blair joked shakily.

"Blair, I'm sorry… I just…"

"Nate, we were just role playing, don't worry." Blair said cutting him off.

"Yeah, just role playing." Nate said looking Blair up and down.

"Okay, next Archibald we will have to throw a surprise engagement party for your girlfriend. She needs a break." Blair said, changing the subject.

They spent the rest of the day like that, planning his engagement party, just talking and that felt right. He hadn't talked with Blair in ages.

It felt like some weight had been lifted off his chest.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey thanks for the reviews! Hope you all like it! I know I do **

**Disclaimer: NAIR FOREVER: I do not own gossip girl!**

Nate was in a bad mood. Yes he admittedly was. There were three elements mixed together to make the concoction of his feelings.

The first element: He was sick, no not in as a little cold sick but as in fever, throwing up sick.

The second element: Epperly was leaving for a business trip, did he mention for three weeks.

Lastly…

The Third Element; Blair Waldorf and her cryptic manner, the title said it all. Blair was being so… confusing. Too confusing; Nate could not figure out where their relationship stands. Were they friends? Were they acquaintances? No they most definitely weren't that. Were they something more? He just could not understand her, or anything involving her for that matter.

With this he decided to spend the whole day in bed, doing absolutely nothing but doing anything not to think about her.

It was hard though, because when you say not to think about something or someone you end up only thinking about said person or thing.

Great Nate was doing it.

There he was lying in bed just trying not to think about a girl he had previously been in love with.

He was getting married; this was not good.

But he didn't love Blair, no he had been down that path once and it had ended with betrayal and heartbreak.

What was it then, what were with these thoughts and feelings?

Had they been going on forever, even when dating Serena?

No, because he had chosen Serena then, it couldn't be.

Then what was it?

Nate Archibald was not in any way in love with Blair Waldorf and she most certainly felt the same way.

"I'm in love with Nate," Blair said quietly to the blond girl in front of her.

Serena stood there in shock.

Blair, cuddled in her blanket on a chair said nothing.

"Blair… but remember what happened last time? How do you know you really love him?"

Blair sighed, "I read Persuasion Serena, and then I watched Titanic, twice."

Serena slunk down on Blair's bed, "Oh my god, you are in love."

"Blair, are you sure? You could just be feeling this way because Chuck is gone and Nate is getting married."

Blair held up a hand not wanting to have Serena question her for the duration of the night, "S… I am positive, do you know that feeling you get when you are complete next to one person, like nothing could be better than being with said person?"

Serena looked distant, "Yes, I do… with Dan."

"Well, that would be the same feeling except with Nate, and I've realized that not just because he is getting married am I feeling this way, but that I have been falling for him for a while. This is real, not some fantasy. I love him, but I can't tell him."

Serena raised her eyebrow, "B… why not?"

Blair put a hand to her forehead, "because I cannot ruin his happiness, I mean if I tell him how I feel, I don't want to compromise anything with he and Epperly."

Serena smiled, "Blair, the old you would never have passed up an opportunity to sabotage someone else, especially someone who is not your favorite person. You really love him don't you?"

Blair sighed, I've seen the light, and yes I really do."

Blair Waldorf was most definitely in love with Nate Archibald, but he most certainly did not feel the same way.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone thanks for all the reviews! Ready... You know I am! **

"Epperly, do you really have to go?" Nate called to her as she came to say her goodbyes. He was feeling miraculously all better from his ultimate low yesterday and he just wanted to spend the day with her, but she was leaving… for three weeks.

"Yes, Nate… I'm so sorry but please do not worry. I will be back in no time." She walked over to him kissing his cheek.

Nate rolled his eyes, "You and your business."

Epperly turned, "Hey, my business happens to be what clothes me and feeds me. I don't see you doing anything."

Nate clenched his jaw and saw that Epperly immediately regretted what she had just said; Nate had been having trouble focusing on what he wanted to do with his life and Epperly was always the one to point that out.

"Nate… oh I'm so sorry, you know how I get carried away. Forgive me."

Nate shrugged off his annoyance, "Epperly I'm fine, just come back in one peace okay?"

Epperly walked to the door, Nate following, "Nathaniel Archibald how did I find you?"

Blair brought us together Nate thought but did not say, "Oh I don't know, but I might tell you if I can have a goodbye kiss."

Epperly leaned in, "Always…"

"Archibald, is Epperly there?" Blair questioned in her scheming voice.

"No, the coast is clear. She left for a business trip, remember?" Nate said, amused.

"Yes, I do remember but it never hurts to make sure. Alright now we have more time to plan the surprise party."

"You are a very interesting Man of Honor," Nate commented.

"And you my friend are a very bad groom, Nate we have to get chopping. I'm at your door, let me in."

Nate opened the door only to see the small form of Blair dart in with bags and bags of things Nate did not care to know what of.

"Now, as your Man of Honor I must have you pick out a tuxedo, I've brought over a couple samples, if you care to try them on." Blair then shoved said bags in his face and sent him to his room, closing the door.

"Blair, don't get me wrong this is helpful and everything but we haven't even set a date, or haven't even started really talking about the wedding itself. Don't you think this is moving too fast, I mean Epperly has a say in this as well."

"Oh Nathaniel, you fail to think higher of me. Really, I know that you two have not talked yet, but I also know, as due to the fact of rummaging through Epperly's calendar that she has set a date for the wedding and a date to talk to you about it."

Nate came out, in his suit fitted exactly right, in awe. How could Blair possibly be so resourceful and so nosy, but then again it was Blair Waldorf.

"Oh stop drooling; you know perfectly well what you got yourself into when asking me to be the Man of Honor. Now I like that tuxedo but I think we need something darker, let me see."

For the second time, Nate examined Blair and realized how tired she looked, she was overworked. College and a full-time job were being hard on her. "Hey Blair, when was the last time you had some fun?" He asked.

Blair looked up, brushing her hair out of her face, "What in the world do you mean by _fun_?"

**Next Chapter is going to have more Nair quality time… Yeah!**


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